These are troubled times we’re living in: global warming, twerking, the cancellation of the southern style chicken biscuit menu option at Bojangles, and—worst of all—the systematical decline of proper grammar usage among the American public. Don’t believe me?
For one, sentences that aren’t parallel are one of my main pet peeves. Violation of the parallel rule makes me angry, frustrated, and pull my hair out. Teachers all throughout grade school emphasize this point. They always tell you that when you write you need organized structure, to use proper grammar, and always make sentences parallel. And yet, people don’t do it.
I also hate when people start thinking that “I” should always be used instead of “me.” Those people aren’t too smart, but the rule makes sense to you and I. For you and I, all we have to do is determine whether or not we need a subject or an object. You and me are just more educated.
And don’t even get me started on homophones. When people screw these up I just want to say, “Your killing me! Get you’re stuff together!” Its such an insult to the English language…I mean, you might as well spit in it’s face! Their is absolutely nothing worse.
It is annoying when people totally stop using contractions when they write and begin to sound like robots. It is weird when they do not have them. Would not it be more natural if they were there? I could not say for sure, but I am pretty positive about it.
People don’t know how to use adverbs proper either. Don’t take it personal, I’m talking about everyone. I try not to judge too harsh but sometimes it just absolute irritates me. If people don’t know how to write good, they can always look up grammar rules quick.
There also seems to be a certain vocabulary that a plethora of people utilize when they’re writing an essay in order to portray a greater command of the English language than they really have. This results in a plethora of over-used vocabulary words that convey little meaning. This portrays the fact that the writer is utilizing the same set of words that he or she believes will convey a sense of mastery.
And then there are those people who freak out every time you begin a sentence with a conjunction. “But our middle school teachers told us never to do that!” they’ll say. And yet, I still don’t really care about their opinions.
One thing I’m convinced of is that people have no idea how to use the perfect tenses. I have got so mad over this before. I would’ve gave anything just to make people always use this verb tense correctly. I haven’t went crazy in a while, but an error in this tense might do it for me. For example, once I had a friend who had ran for 90 minutes straight in a soccer game and then had drank a quart of Gatorade and then had threw up. Later, she told a friend “I threw up because I had drankin a gallon of Gatorade.” Oh, the grammatical shame.
An error I would of liked to correct was people’s tendency to forget how to use the word “have.” This could of been detrimental to the English language—and honestly it should of been. Thankfully, there are still those that remember the word’s existence.
Peoples’s apostrophe issues never seem to stop either. To be fair, apostrophe’s rules are a bit confusing at times. Sometimes languages’s conventions get a bit muddied.
Everyone seems so hesitant to use the dash or the double dash, they’re both very good tools. Instead of setting off a phrase with a double dash, a phrase that’s added information to the sentence, people are all too content to separate everything with mere commas, a confusing practice at best.
Often one is afraid to use the first person in one’s essay and one ends up substituting the word “one” for “I.” Granted, many professors usually do not permit one to use first person; however, one’s essay can become mysterious as a result of this as one wonders who exactly the “one” is referring to.
The worst offense is defiantly when people misspell simple words. It makes me want to loose my mind and I get so angry that I can hardly breath. The misspelling of the word “definitely” is defiantly the worst in my mind.
So as I have shown here, the end of the world is inevitably coming. And it’s coming in the form of one grammatically butchered sentence after the other. So hold your children tightly, press your old Shurley Grammar workbook to your heart, and pray that the end comes swiftly and painlessly.